It’s ok! I’m Alive
Well. I have not been around in a while. So i guess this is what has been going on. Last time i wrote, i was addicted to Heroes of Newerth.. Well, i had re-installed it and got addicted again. Luckily, when finals came around i stopped playing and I’ve been “clean” ever since. My final semester of classes starts on Monday. I guess you can say I’m excited and a bit annoyed at the same time. I’m not really looking forward to going to school during the summer. However, Good news! I found out what i want to go. I decided that i wanted to be a physician assistant. The school i’m looking to apply to is York College. I’ve did some research and apparently it’s a pretty good program. I do need to take some more re-requisites if i get accepted, but what can you do. I need 200 Hours of experience in the healthcare field, 3 letters of reccomendation, interview, and a good GPA to get in. I’m glad that the school i’m in now offers an externship for 240 hours! Woo! I think i’m pretty much set.
I’ve stopped taking my Bi-polar meds! I have been going to the gym everyday for the past couple of months, and it has really helped a lot! I guess i do get Manic once in a while but it doesnt last very long. Not long enough to be a problem anyway. I’m content.
Home life has been getting worse and worse. My brother is still an asshole, and i’m still waiting until he leaves. UUUUUUUUGH. I’d rather not talk about it because it’s going to make me angry. My birthday is this month on the 19th, and i’ll be 22. :/ Gah. I’m getting old so fast. I think i’m just going to stop keeping track of how old i am now.
I’ve been studying my Japanese, but i’m not much better than i was before except now Katakana is a bit easier. I also understand how to make better sentences, and such lol Over my vacation i’ve been studying more. I decided to start watching Japanese dramas so that i can imitate their accent. I just finished watching Hana Kimi yesterday, which is a romance comedy.
The drama is based on the popular manga of the same name by Nakajo Hisaya, which has already been dramatized in Taiwan. Horikita plays the protagonist Ashiya Mizuki, a Japanese girl in the U.S. who one day sees the young athlete Sano Izumi (Oguri) compete in the high jump on television. She begins to idolize him, and decides to move to Japan to attend the same school as him. However, Izumi goes to an all-boys school, so Mizuki disguises herself as a boy to achieve her dream of being with her idol.
It’s REALLY REALLY funny. So if you are intersted check it out. You can watch it on Google. The user who has the best quality video is yesmedina. Otherwise, you can watch it from here http://www.mysoju.com/hana-kimi/
I’m now watching Zettai Kareshi (Absolute Boyfriend). So far it’s pretty cool.
K. I’m done.
Thanks for reading.
It’s been a while~
Hi! I know it’s been a while. I was addicted to Heroes of Newerth! I would come from school and play ALL NIGHT! I even skipped class a couple of days just to stay home and play. I rage uninstalled the game because i’m afraid my GPA (3.86.. I got a A- :c) will drop. I’m fine at the moment, and kind of going through withdrawl lol. I made the President’s list! :3 I’m really happy about that, and i REALLY don’t want to ruin it!
Home life has been, meh. I’m counting the days until my brother gets the heck out. Ugh. He’s just so so annoying. I don’t even want to talk about that much. I’ve started practicing Japanese again, but i’m kind of sad about not reading as fast as i used to. I still hate Katakana, but i’m sucking it up and just doing it. Money has been extremely tight. I’m literally broke. I don’t even have a buck in my pocket. It’s not like i can work either. My school schedule wouldn’t work well. I can’t wait till i graduate. I’m planning on working for a bit before i go back to school. Work to pay off my debt, and save some money for when i’m in school.
I’ve been thinking about things that i could do for money, but the things i’m good at are pretty useless ;-;! I could train birds, but who the heck would let me train their bird. *sniff* I could probably tutor in anatomy & physiology or something, but WHO WOULD LET ME TUTOR THEM :cIt’s a hard life being broke. ;-;!
Uh! I’ve got nothing else to write about at the moment. I just woke up, and i’m like.. Out of it.
So..
Thanks :3!
Sleep Paralysis, and Randomness.
So, yeah. It was a false alarm! I’m not pregnant.I knew i was just over reacting hehe.
In other news, i had another 2 episodes of sleep paralysis since last time! It’s so annoying. I managed to let out some noises, and my boyfriend heard me.. He asked “What’s wrong?”, but a few seconds later i was able to get out of it. I told him that the next time that happens he should shake me or something. I don’t get why it keeps happening. I’m not sleep deprived or anything. I’m also not stressed.
I hate the feeling.
I haven’t been up to much. Just studying, and going to the gym for about 4 -5hr a day. I had been working on running 1 mile in less than 18 minutes, and i finally did it today! I’m so proud of myself. I ran it in 16 minutes. I hope that next week i can do it in less time. I just have to keep working on it. I want to get to the point where i can run consistently at 4.5 mph for more than 2 or 3 minutes. I noticed alot of changed in my body, not really in my weight. I don’t really expect much change in my weight since i’m gaining muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat. I used to not be able to do much reps with a 9lb barbell. Now i can do alot. In a week or two i’ll change to a heavier one. I’m not trying to get bulky or anything. Just toned.
I still study my Japanese randomly. I’m too busy with anatomy, and psychology to focus on my Japanese right now. :c
Oh! I’m going to train Jason’s parakeets tonight. Thats going to be so much fun. I want to be able to get them stepping up to my hand soon. It will probably take a few days or a few hours. I trained my mom’s friends bird to step up in 2 days. When i first started working with her, we couldn’t even get near the cage. She’d start thrashing around, but now she’s great. She kisses her owners, and loves to get pettings! Its nice when you can help someone out with their bird.. She was planning to give the bird away because she couldn’t even change the water without getting nipped. I also think that it gives a bird a better quality of life when you can handle them. You can let them out of the cage and play around.. Instead of just being stuck in a cage for the rest of their lives.
I love birds.
I dont have much to talk about.
Thanks for reading!
Sleep Paralysis.. Pregnancy test..
Let’s see.. I’m doing well in school. Extremely well. I’ve gotten all 100% ‘s in every test for every class I’ve had. I’ve been going to the gym everyday for about 3-4 hours. It helps me sleep better at night. I think i’m still getting Mania, but doesn’t last as long.. The whole MaryKay thing was a Manic Episode.. I wonder if anyone noticed? Gah. I hate when i do stuff like that!
I went to the doctor yesterday for a regular physical exam. He wants to check my thyroid, and cortisol levels.. He also wants to run a pregnancy test.. Yeah I’ll talk about that in a few.
I’ve been having alot of Lucid dreams lately. It’s usually something scary. Always about evil robots that want to destroy the world. I’m so not kidding. It’s crazy how real it looked, and felt in my dream. I was terrified… Yesterday i had an episode of Sleep Paralysis. It’s happened to me before but not like this. I was listening to an audiobook in the sofabed in the living room. I just felt like sleeping in the living room today. It was cold so i had my miniheater set up ontop of a chair warming the bed. I stayed up all night.. I think around 5am when i decided to sleep. I closed my laptop, and then i pushed it to the side. I layed to bed, and i fell asleep. It was getting hot, and so I woke up. I thought i saw my mom walk into the living room, but when i turned my head.. No one was there. I couldn’t move. I tried to scream, but i couldnt get the sound out. It felt like i was there forever. Struggling to move. I was reaching towards the heater to turn it off, but i couldn’t do it. It felt like i was inbetween sleep, and awake. I finally managed to turn the heater off, and i sat up in bed panting and sweating. I was exhausted. I went back to sleep after that. In the morning, i thought it had all been a dream, but the heater was off. That was so scary. I really hate when that happens. Ugh.
Now, back to the Pregnancy test. I feel really weird talking about this to begin with. Sometime last month (September) in the middle of the month i believe.. I slept over my boyfriend’s house, and we had sex. We had taken precautions, of course. In the morning i had a feeling that i should take the Plan B pill just in case. I had a prescription in my wallet that i didn’t take to the pharmacy. I kept putting it off. I kept telling myself that i didnt need it. For the next few days, I kept having a little voice in my head screaming at me to go get it. I ignored it again.
Yesterday, the doctor suggested that i take a vaccine to protect against cervical cancer, but he had to first give me a pregnancy test. I started laughing. There is no way i could be pregnant. I don’t want a baby, and i take precautions so that i won’t have one. I’m not in any position to have a child. Jason and i are pretty serious, sure, and we will get married in the future. I know he would take care of me, and the child. If i was pregnant, but im not mentally prepared. This is not what i want.
I had always said i would never be THAT girl. I want to be married, have a career, and be financially stable before i even think about having children. It’s a big deal to me. I don’t ever want to have a child out of wedlock. EVER.
I was laughed it off, and went to sit with my mom in the waiting room while the doctor wrote up some prescriptions for my migranes, and a dexamethasone pill. I told her what i was laughing at, and she was like “Oh, so that’s why my cousin was talking about.” I said, “Huh?”
“Well, you remember my cousin who came over a few days ago right?” – Mom
“Yeah? What about her?”
“Eversince we were little girls, she would always play around with me and read my tea cup. I don’t believe in things like that, but everything she ever told me that would happen happens.”
“Uh ok?”
“She read my coffee cup the other day and told me that someone owes me money and he was going to pay me soon and that i had a nephew that wanted to come live with me… I asked your brothers, but none of them have a baby on the way.. Soo..”
At this point i was almost laughing hysterically with tears in my eyes and my face was beet red.
“You don’t really belive that do you?”
“No, but everything she had ever said to me has came true.”
“I use protection.. It can’t be me”.. That’s when i got serious. I always get my period at the end of the month. or at the beginning of the month.. It is the end of the month! I still havent gotten it!
What the heck is going on here?
I got instantly serious, and i told her.
“I’ll get an abortion..”
She gasped, and then said “God forgive you. You can’t do that.”
My family is against abortion, but the way i see it is. I didn’t plan on this. Infact, i protected against it. I’m not ready for this. I don’t feel its fair to bring a child into the world to make it suffer. Why? I know this will probably spark a bunch of anti-abortion drama, but its MY LIFE.
It’s going to be me that’s going to have to struggle. I’m already in over my head in debt. How the heck am i going to afford a baby? Jason does have a good job, and a degree. He’s got his associates in Business management, and now he’s in his last semesters for his BA. I know he would be able to take care of me, but this is not what i wanted.
I’m scared to death, and i hope that I’m not. I hope that i’m just over reacting.
I looked it up.. My health insurance does not cover abortions… I’d have to stay with it…
Uneventful
Things have been pretty un-eventful. I’ve just basically been going to school. I come home, go to the gym, and then study for a bit. After that, i go to sleep. Ive been doing really well in class. We’ve had 3 exams already and I’ve aced them all. I’ve been on a strict 1302 calorie diet for a few days now. I’ve also started drinking protein shakes, and some supplements. I’m taking some Multivitamins, and Omega 3. I need to get more fiber though, but other than that. I’m pretty good.
I’m so focused right now. I really hate Cardio workouts, but i force myself. It’s also extremely hard to walk past the McDonalds, and Subways every morning. Doesn’t it seem like when you are dieting that there are food placed EVERYWHERE? Hot dog carts, Bagels on sale, Bacon Egg and Cheese sandwhiches.. It’s so tempting.
I read the book “The end to overeating”, by the former FDA commissioner David Kessler. He just basically examines why people overeat and why is it that it is so easy for people to lose control when they see delicious food. It’s all pretty interesting. It gets a tad repetitive, but i was totally freaked out after i read it. He goes on about how food is constructed in such a way that makes it addictive to us. The combinations of sugar, fat and salt make you want MORE sugar, fat and salt. He says that these combinations, when used the right way, release dopamine in our bodies.
So he was just saying how it kind of triggers a cue -> reward thing. We see delicious Pizza (cue) and then we eat it and get the dopamine (reward). He explains it way better. If you want, read it. Anyway, i just started seeing all delicious food as evil. I kind of hate the idea of being under manipulated by food or food industries. It’s mind control! Supposedly the colors Red, Yellow and Green(?) make you hungry. I started to notice that all fast food places have those colors! COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!
So, when ever i feel like cheating i remind myself that sugar, fat and salt are evil. I’ve stopped using sugars, fats and salts COMPLETELY. Eating sugarless oatmeal sucks, but i’m not going to let food control me! HMPH.
I drink almost a gallon of water a day. It’s good to clean out my system, and it makes me feel healthy. I carry like 3 water bottles in my backpack so that i can keep hydrated during school. ROFL.
I know, i’m weird. I’ve got plans though. I’m going to be extremely fit in like 5-8 months. YOU JUST WAIT! I also get more motivated when i think about how many people i’m going to prove wrong. :3 I’m not all talk. I take action. When i want something, i work for it. That’s how it should be. There is nothing more than urks me but someone who complains about things, but never does something to fix the problem. The people that always have excuses for everything. I’m going to see Jennifer’s body tomorrow. It’s supposed to be a “good” movie, but i have my doubts. Megan Fox as a villain? Hmm. I don’t know. I wonder how many times shes going to be half naked. *roll eyes
I’m going to take a shower now. Jason should be here soon, and i’m still sweaty from the gym. I’m gonna use my Mary Kay microdermabrasion set. Yay. It’s awesome. lol
Too lazy to spell check! Thanks for reading 
You guys are awesome pasta (which is evil! Don’t be fooled by its deliciousness. That’s what it wants you to think. Then you eat it and feel empty :c).
Change of heart
I went to a sweet 16 last night. It was really fun. I saw alot of my cousins that i hadn’t seen in a long time. I actually wore a dress. I was pretty self-conscious and all. There was a free bar, but despite that. Barely anyone drank. At the end of the part they were packing up boxes and boxes of beer, liquor, and wine. There were 105 people there. It was big.
I decided that i’m not in any position at the moment to sell Mary Kay cosmetics. I thought you could just order whatever your customers wanted, but you need to order a wholesale amount of 200 dollars to get the wholesale discount prices. I have no way of buying inventory, due to my last manic episode that i ended up with a near-maxed out credit card. Almost 5k in debt. My recruiter was trying to tell me ways of getting funding for inventory. Those ways included, loans, credit cards, and selling my own things. Yeah, i’ll pass.
I feel bad for ducking out on her, but i’m not going to get myself into anymore debt than i already am. Maybe next time.
I hope she doesn’t call me to talk to me about my “decision” etc. That would be annoying.
MaryKay Consultant~
Alot of things happened these last few days.
First, I got a 100 on my first Patient Care exam. I expected it, but it’s still nice to know that all your studying pays off.
Second, I am now a MaryKay Consultant! I know. I really like the products, they are great! I also love makeovers! It’s fun. I had a MaryKay party, and we had alot of fun. I won alot of free stuff which was great. I did two people’s make up, at the party. They looked awesome. The next day, my MaryKay consultant emailed me. She said that she didn’t know i was so into makeup. She wanted to know if i wanted to listen in on a teleconference, and get more information about becoming a consultant. She said i didn’t have to say anything, and that i could just listen.
I thought about it. I was wondering if i should. I mean, they get awesome perks. She has a company car! It’s completely paid for insurance, and car payments. You have to earn it by getting a few recruits within a certain time period. Then you have a 4 month period to get a total of 12 recruits, and you get your car. They also give you a new car every two years (you trade it in). I want the car, but i’m not really worried about it.
I’m more worried about starting my business, and gaining some clients. Anyway, I kept wondering if i should do it. I wasn’t sure, but i thought. Hmm, i should check it out. At 9:00PM i called the number for the teleconference, and a woman got on the phone. I was planning on just listening, but apparently i was the only one there! I had to speak. Her name was Aubrey, and she was surprised i was the only one on the teleconference. She asked me who my consultant was, and a few personal questions like “What do you do for a living? Why do you want to be a nurse? Tell me about yourself?” Things like that. She was extremely energetic, and entertaining. Shortly, someone else gets on the phone, and it was Stephanie! My consultant. Anyway, yadda yadda. In the end i got invited to a Marykay cruise in West Point that was for Star consultants!
Those women had to work hard to get there, and I got in there on my first day as a consultant. The starter kit was only 100 dollars, and i got tons of free gifts that night! I got a free Satin Hands set (about $48) and the Microdermabrasion set. I think that one is 55? Basically, i got all my money back. I got my kit today. It took two days to get to me.
I met alot of wonderful and positive women on that cruise. I spoke to alot of them, and i asked them about why they chose to start selling Marykay, and alot of them thought they would NEVER do it. They don’t regret it at all, and they’ve made tons of extra cash, and great friends on the side. I was surprised that alot of them were nurses, and teachers. I saw the legendary pink cadillac! I think it’s the car that you get when you get to the highest rank. (If you want to go up in ranks.)
I’m really excited to start, and tomorrow actually. I’m going to a sweet 16 and im going to make a “raffle”. I’m going to make them fill out a Marykay survey with their information, and tell them that they have a chance to win a free facial. (All facials are free, but just so they could be like OMG FREE FACIAL? YESSSS) I have some doubts, but my team members are very helpful! They are very nice, and supportive. They gave me my first challanges, one of which is to give 30 facials in 30 days. The second is to sell 12 satin hands sets.
I’ve got tons of ideas, and im so excited. It’s nice to go out, and make other women fell better. Especially the older women. They should feel better about themselves for a change! Plus, all women need to feel pretty once in a while!
This is going to be an interesting experience, and hopefully a good one.
Anyway, i’ve got some studying to do! I have to practice my katakana.
Goodnight.
Bad Relationships?
This week has not been bad so far. I’m slowly getting into a routine for studying. It’s a lot of reading, but i enjoy it. I love studying about the body, and diseases. I’m also taking psychology as an elective. It’s sooo interesting. I have to write a reasearch paper/presentation on some topics, and i’m hoping that bipolar disorder will be one of those topics. I’d love to do some more reasearch, and get to know myself better. I don’t think my bp is that bad, but it has definitely gotten worse over the years. It would be nice to break some of the common misconceptions about people with bipolar disorder. Most people think we are “crazy”.
Anyway, I’ve been trying to get to my studying so that every day i review whatever i went over in class, but i havent gotten to that point yet! I will over the weekend. For example, If i have Medical Terminology, and Anatomy and Physiology one day. I want to come home, and read and study about that. It will be fresh in my mind, so if i re-read it.. I’ll learn it better. However, I’ve been backed up with my reading. I didn’t really study over the weekend. I spent the day at my cousins house. I know.. BAD BAD. I did read at her house though.. like 3 pages! We have 2 classes together!
Oh, I’ve decided that i’m going to stay at Mandl and finish here first. I really need to prove to myself that i can finish something. Just having a degree will make me feel so much better about myself, and then i’ll Definitely feel capable of going on to nursing school. Besides, It’s only 10 more classes that i have to take before i graduate. Approximately 11 months from now. That’s not that far.
In other news, here is something that I’ve been wondering about. Why is it that some people are so attracted to bad relationships? There are people that can see that some guys/girls are no good from the start, but they stick with them. Most hope that these people will change. I’ve learned that you cant CHANGE someone. (Not if they are unwilling, which is mostly the case). They wont change because you want them to.
So why is it that when guys/girls treat the other person in the relationship badly, that people stick around? Why is it so hard to let go of someone that CLEARLY isn’t right for you? Do people like the drama in their life? Why is it that when there is a certain person that keeps coming around that you might have had feelings for in the past, but you don’t anymore, keep bugging you but then you keep them around? You could easily Ignore the person, change your number, block them on messengers, or even get a new messenger.. but you don’t? Why?
I’ve experienced all of this, but only ONCE. There was a person that was not right for me, but i stuck around anyway. There is also someone who kept coming around that i had feelings for still, but not like i used to. Everytime, they came around i’d go nuts. I hated that he kept coming around, but i didn’t do anything to stop it. I’ve only experienced these things ONCE. I learn from my mistakes. I don’t like going through these things, and so when i have a bad relationship, or i know that someone isn’t right for me. I let them go. I learned, that if you don’t, you’ll just have a hard time later on.
I also see girls picking the WRONG GUYS! For example, they tend to pick guys who aren’t in school, or trying to go to school. They still live with their moms, or don’t work. If they do work, they work in something that isn’t a stable job, and possibly not going to be good to maintain a family in the future. They tend to pick guys that are more interested in being with a bunch of other woman instead of committing to one. OH! They pick guys who do drugs/sell drugs. Ghetto guys! That talk in slang, and guys that are more interested in sex. Gah. They usually think,”If he has sex with me that means he has feelings for me!” Wrong! Guys don’t need to be attached to a woman to have sex with them. For women, its much harder to distinguish Sex, from love. Come on, how many times have you seen a girl that has just a “friends with benefits”, who is the one that ends up getting feelings for someone? The woman. It’s bad to think that by having sex with the guy, he’ll like you more. He won’t. To men, sex is sex.
SO WHY DO THEY PUT THEMSELVES THROUGH THIS ANGUISH?!
My Brain hurts.
I couldn’t find a place to study at home, so i packed my Psychology book, and locked myself in the bathroom. Yep. I put my notebook ontop of the toilet (With the seat down, ofcourse), and i leaned against the bathtub with my book on my lap. I got through most of the chapter, but it’s a pretty long chapter. I decided to take a break. I’m not planning on reading anymore for tonight. I’m already thinking of a billion things.
I just need to come up with a study schedule. I did look over the Medical Terminology chapter. I already know everything by heart, so It’s all good. I’ll review the Anatomy and physiology chapter tomorrow. I also, read part of the Patient care chapter on sunday at my cousin’s house. I can finish the rest tomorrow during my break. It’s all good!
I called Monroe college to get some information about their PN course (pre-nursing). I was taking a look at the pre-reqs, and most of the classes im taking this semester are the same. I’ll probably switch over next semester. I figured it’s better to go straight to the nursing, instead of wasting time and money on something that i don’t really want to do.
I guess i jumped into this school because i didn’t want to be out of school and not doing anything. It could also serve as a way for me to up my GPA, etc. I’m still confused, but hey. I have a whole semester to think about it.
I realllllly need to learn how to take one thing at a time, and think before i do things.
Panic, and Confusion
This morning, was not the best morning for me. I woke up at around 8:30am, and i started getting ready for school. I had an appointment with my Psychologist at 10AM and then school at 12:30PM. (I take a long time to get ready, and make breakfast. ) I had finished putting on my uniform. I was getting my books together to put them in my backpack, when i noticed that my Anatomy & Physiology book was missing! It was almost 9:00am, and i only had 30 minutes left to eat breakfast, and start walking to the psychologist. It’s a 15 minute walk from here. Probably less. I usually get lost on my way there.. I don’t know why. So, i like to leave a bit earlier.
I started to panic. I looked in every place where my book might have been placed, but it was no where to be found. I just remember that i had gotten wet, and i tried to iron the pages straight. (I have issues with messed up books..) I finally gave up trying to get the pages straight and i handed it to my mom, who tried to “fix” the book as well.
I kept wondering where she might have put it. I checked EVERYWHERE. I was starting to panic. It was even worse because my mother does not have a cellphone anymore, and there was no way for me to contact her. The professor had told us to bring the book to class, and i didn’t have it. My mind was going a billion thoughts per second. “I won’t have the book. I’ll get in trouble. I have her for 2 classes, and she won’t take me seriously any longer. What am i going to do?! I can’t possibly go to class without the book!”. I usually tend to think about all the possible outcomes of a situation before it even happens, which my psychologist says is a problem. I do tend to exaggerate, but in the moment, It all makes sense. I looked under the mattress on the side where i was ironing the book anyway, and It wasn’t there.
At this point, i was breaking out in sweat. It was 10:30 am. I missed my appointment with the psychologist. I was shaking, and felt light headed. I was pacing back and forth. “What do i do, What do i do?”. Out of desperation, I grabbed my house phone, and searched the Caller ID for my Mom’s best friend. I called her, and asked her if she was with my mom. I knew she wasn’t. She wasn’t, but she did have the cellphone number for the phone my mom was borrowing from my brother (Which apparently she had, i wasn’t aware of). She was going to give me the number, but then i had a call waiting. I never EVER pick up my house phone. It’s never for me, and no one was home. To me, it’s a waste of time to pick up the phone when the person whoever is calling isn’t home. I’m only going to pick up, and say “blah blah isn’t here. Bye”. If it was for me, i have my cellphone.
I just happend to pick it up, in hopes that it was my mom. It was! Oh god, Yes. The only problem is that she didn’t know where it was! +10 Panic. “What? What do you mean you don’t know where it is?! You had it last!!” She kept saying she didn’t know where it was, but then suddenly she told me to check under the mattress of her bed! I checked on her side, and there it was! Lol. If only i had checked both sides when i checked under the mattress i could’ve avoided all that stress, and anxiety.
It was almost 11:30 now, and had to leave. My oatmeat was sitting there, with my milk.. I chugged my breakfast down as fast as i could, and i was going to run out.. Suddenly, the metrocard that my mom left me.. WAS GONE! Did i misplace it? I checked all my pockets, my purse. It was no where to be found. I didn’t have time to worry about that right now. I ran out of the apartment, and to the subway. I was lucky that i had $2.25 exactly, in my purse to buy a 1 ride metrocard. Once, i got in the train I searched my backpack to see if it was in there. It wasn’t. I started to panic some more. This was my brother’s(Jose) monthly metrocard for work. He lets me use it when he doesnt work. (This is not my asshole brother. His name is Alfredo.) If i lost it, he was going to be extremely pissed off. That’s alot of money!
I later found out that my asshole brother, Alfredito, had taken the metrocard. Grr, and Phew.(After school) I got to class just on time, but i was nauseous. I was sweating, and i was shaking. I was trying to calm down, and i did manage to calm down. So yeah… It wasn’t a good morning.
Now, the confusion part.
I ran into a former Medical Assistant, who was walking to my school, to find out information of the Surgical Technologist (ST) AOS. I asked her why she was going for that. “Did you not like the Medical Assistant job?”. She told me that there weren’t alot of jobs avaliable for that, and that it wasn’t much pay. That’s not the first time i heard that. I got ganged up on by the ST students, and i was told to switch to their major. They told me the exact same thing, and i was surprised that alot of them were former Medical Assistants. They were about 6 People. (At one of my breaks where i was eating lunch lol) They also start at 24 dollars an hour. I did consider switching, but i keep reminding myself that my goal is not to be a medical assistant. It is to be a nurse.
I’m mostly doing Medical Assisting, because it has all the pre-requisites for nursing school. Also, I’d have something to fall back on, if i had to for some reason wait to get into nursing school. I looked at the course descriptions, and it doesn’t have any of the pre-requists for nursing.
Then i started to wonder, what if i can’t go to nursing school? What if i can’t finish school. You know, the doubts about being able to succeed. Should i just switch to surgical tech? Should i just take the pre-reqs and switch to nursing school? Do i even have what it takes for nursing school? I’m really confused at this point, and i’m not sure what to do. I want to do nursing, but I’m very doubtful of myself. I’m trying to convince myself that i CAN do it, but it’s very hard to do that, when i’m so used to being unsuccessful.
We’ll see.
I’ve got tons to do today. I have to read the first Chapter of Psychology, and Patient care. I have to review the chapter of Medical Term. Briefly. I also have to study some Anatomy. I could do some tomorrow, since i have a 2 hour break in between class. I have to get myself to the gym at 8 for Cardio kickboxing. Oh, and i got my Japanese for Busy People I Kana version book!
Yay.
